Autism

Edit: I was as to negotiate with the ones organizing the meeting to schedule for another day. I may have been panicked because I stopped Prozac for a while. I'm really sorry for lashing out like that, and thank you for your understanding.

I'm trying to get my diagnosis. Due to my parents not accepting me receiving mental healthcare, I had to do everything in secret.

It made my life so much easier when I finally got Prozac. I could finally sleep. Little to no obsessions or intrusive thoughts. I also stopped having pica.

But I can't get a diagnosis in most places without involving my parents. Until I found someone who could give me one.

Thing is, if I miss tomorrow's appointment, I can no longer have another chance at it. The health system is clogged and all.

I had everything planned out. Told them I was going out and all. But now, I can't, because our basement got flooded and I have to stay in order to help them.

I know this is what I get for wanting the best of two worlds: my parents' support and getting behind their backs. But I just didn't want to keep suffering anymore. I just want it all to stop.

In my 30's and only within the last few years have I been able to really introspect my life, and realize behaviors that I've "created" or "fake" in social interactions. I struggled a lot in middle/high school, and even through my 20's. I've essentially "found" myself to some degree in my 30's, but I'm actually not sure how much of it is me and how much of it is masking.

I recognize the signs when I'm being fake in interactions that would benefit from being more genuine. It's automatic, and I've noticed others take notice when it's the wrong mask at the wrong time. Which just means I get better at it, which is nice and all, but it would be cool if it wasn't such an automatic reaction.

So my question to all of you is how do you reduce masking behavior in situations or relationships where it may be beneficial or necessary to not do so?

Awkwardly I guess you could answer this with "You get better at it with time", which is true of most things. However, I'm looking for some emotionally intelligent advice or anecdotes.

Anyone else get anxiety when waiting for communication on anything soft-planned (or even hard planned for that matter)? Spiraling and all that.

Especially if the person involved is late or didn't respond. Ofc the reaction is to check in, that's what I'd want someone else to do for me if I indicated I'd do something or message someone. However, that can be interpreted as being needy or clingy when really I just want to know the plan and not be left hanging.

Life happens ofc, people gotta cancel plans, that's okay. But what really rubs things wrong is being left without information, that's when the anxiety shoots. Do you wait for them, or go do something else? If you go do something else, what happens when they're suddenly available? That's not respecting my time, so it's rude, but do you convey that?? What if you hinged your day on something, that just throws a big ass wrench in.

Everyone is living their own lives, and things happen, preventing communication. It just feels like it's more common than it used to be, or more... Negligent?

Gah.

I guess /rant really.

I'm wondering what other people's experiences were like.

I called a number of psychiatrists who specialized in ASD when I started to have questions, but none of them were focused on adult diagnosis or therapy. The first psychologist I saw didn't think she was qualified to make a diagnosis in adults, and referred me to another who I had to pay out of pocket because he didn't accept my insurance. It left a bad taste for me because it felt like there is a scarcity of resources available for adults.

It's not a serious hording issue or anything like that, but there's way more stuff then I want and we let things go since the pandemic. We've always been good about making sure that actual trash eventually gets thrown away.

There's also a huge problem downstairs because I rent out the rooms down there and the 'beards never take care of the house and actively try to cause as much trouble as they can it seems like. I've had to ban food in rooms and eating in rooms and mandate disposable plates and utensils because they don't get washed otherwise, even though it's wasteful.

If I wasn't going downstairs to clean up after the 'beards, it would become an unsanitary hoarding situation.

I know that cleaning isn't always fun but eventually the situation will get away from you.

I've loved this book for decades. Read it multiple times. Thinking about it a bit, and I believe the Mc is autism coded.

Anyone else read this and agree?

Anyone have examples of this in other areas?

Hey Everyone,

I'm very happy to see the engagement in my last post... Hoping to improve my communication skills and reduce my verbosity in the next couple of discussions.

I feel like it is due time to follow-up on what I posted on this board last year. That is, to follow through with "full-stack" hardware-software-application study groups.

If any of you still are interested, I'd like to open up this form for discussion of how that group should be run.

On the subject of HDLs (Hardware Description Languages), VHDL (Verilog HDL) could be fun for some of us to try together. Architecture is also a large concept frequently glossed-over, enciphered with too much jargon, or taught in a very "academic" fashion with very little discussion between students... The traditional classroom model, from what I experienced, is not too conducive to neurodivergent learning styles.

On that note, the RISC-V processor architecture could provide an amazing opportunity to gain a low-to-high understanding. Starting from the Silicon, where we delve into unit operations for chip manufacturing, fundamental solid state / condensed matter physics, and some mathematical models to describe the underlying phenomena. Then we will proceed to what can actually be configured in the ensemble of devices that constitute your "computer". What is a "piece of logic"? How do transistors actually operate? Why do certain design topologies make more sense than others...? And so forth.

We would conclude with some software projects like writing an I/O driver for a keyboard, or pool a fund together for some type of chip we design in EDA together. Overall, it sounds like a great idea for us all to increase our technology literacy, have a fun hobby group to hang out with, and to feel like you own every part of your computer.

On top of this, I feel that we should discuss FOSS tools with each other, as well as how they are best implemented to accomplish common tasks. I've punted the majority of my "Big Tech" stack to the curb the last 5-ish years.

TUI tools as well as CLI interaction is a paradigm of computer operation that I feel many of us have been sleeping on. It also has helped me understand how GUI applications can be better suited for the task at hand, versus when I should be using a terminal emulator to navigate the directory hierarchy instead. Many of you are more versed in programming than I am, so I would love to hear your thoughts.

We could even come up with a project for mobile, who knows? Not sure about the format, whether or not this would be synchronous, and the time commitment and sustainment of motivation throughout a probably 8 week period. However, I feel like a realistic solution for us all to get something meaningful out of an experience like this exists.

Any thoughts on how to get this up and going? What would we need to do on our first meeting together? What things would you want to learn in this course? It seems to me that many of us are already quite literate in sub-domains of what we are interested in. Maybe a teacher carousel routine could be adopted? Where we adopt a general "roadmap" curriculum, and, in an ad hoc fashion, assign people to be the instructor for the desired lesson? Then that person could go and create a slide deck in Beamer, or prepare a presentation with an overhead camera or digital drawing device to use as a teaching medium.

Those are just some ideas. Really looking forward to hearing what all of you think about this.

Hey everyone!

Long time no post… The Cinny client for Matrix no longer functions even after updating, so I have lost access to the chat.

Anyways, I have been thinking a lot lately about the amount of awkward silences I’ve run into with others. It feels like some people are significantly easier to hold a conversation with, as they themselves are invested just as I am in our topics and dialogue. However, it almost feels like the other person is attempting a strange power dynamic with purposeful silences, staring, or otherwise conversations going downhill.

I’m not trying to be overly dramatic or to blame others, I just want to be as pleasant as possible for both the other person and myself. After all, good conversation can be wonderful!

Hoping to start a discussion with this nebulous afterthought and maybe get some ideas going for conversation skills and building social intuition!

This was suggested to me by @[email protected].

• I'm a late teen (17). I got an autism diagnosis (which still causes more problems, than good) when I was three years old.
• You already know a lot about autism (since most of you are autistic), so you don't need any explanation (even if it's a spectrum).
• Now let's explain why I think I'm a narcissist: When I entered high school a few years ago, I started feeling superior to my schoolmates. At first I felt, this was justified, as I have way better grades than my schoolmates (and had a way higher admission score (or whatever it's called) than others), but later I realized, it was unjustified, as even if I'm smarter, than everyone, I have other challenges (executive function, procrastination of anything related to communication). That wouldn't be anything weird, but even after that realization, I just can't grasp the fact my schoolmates aren't stupid and useless. AMA

PS:I know it's a way too long post and doesn't belong here, but it is what it is.

I don't know how to explain. But this video clicks a few pieces together for me.

Maybe it will help another autistic person "fit in" better.

I feel like it's a bit of a long shot. I could see how certain things like being depressed could contribute to being withdrawn and lead to a lack of social skills.

I feel like my sister was misdiagnosed because I tend to be the voice of compassion when we talk about issues related to people with autism.

And of course there's a correlation between having autism and being trans.

If someone thinks that autists have trouble communicating, they just need to see us talk to each other!

(Also, I often identified as an alien as a kid.)

[cw: cptsd? meltdowns/shutdowns]

i'm wondering about people's experiences with having meltdowns or shutdowns in their dreams. is this common? how do you deal with it if you get this?

i often have stress dreams rehashing themes from a period in my life when i experienced a very high frequency of shutdowns due to life circumstances, and was wondering if this is common as perhaps a delayed (potentially ptsd) reaction/processing thing. i thought it was interesting that, at least recently, there have been increasing numbers of meltdown dreams where i feel completely overwhelmed by sensory and emotional stimuli, causing me to enter uncontrollable rages, typical meltdown urge to self injure (e.g. head banging), et cetera. this is despite both of the facts that in the past i barely, if ever, experienced meltdowns, as well as that at the moment i live a calmer, comparatively stress-free life with very infrequent meltdowns or shutdowns.

there is probably a link between past shutdowns causing delayed processing as dream meltdowns perhaps? at the time of the shutdowns i feel like they probably happened as a result of external pressure not permitting meltdowns maybe.

i suppose i'm just looking to see if anybody has experienced anything similar/to vent a little haha. i don't really know what to do about it. my dream lucidity isn't regularly that high atm. it would be nice if anybody has figured out a way to deal with it other than the regular ptsd dreams rescripting advice (hasn't really worked)/sleep health. the regular night terrors are genuinely becoming exhausting at this point and not looking forward to a life of this ngl. does it get better with time?

I was diagnosed 7 years ago as autistic, though I didnt realise at the time it was a diagnosis, I was informed a few years later that what I thought was a specialists opinion was actually a formal diagnosis. But due to family history, my adhd was addressed first. They were supposed to refer me to autism specialist after the adhd stuff but due to mistakes I got discharged and it took a few years and a few phone calls to correct the mistake. So I knew I have adhd, I understood I was a bit autistic. Fast forward to this week, I got a call after my assessment, and I score extremely high for autism. I was a bit surprised by that, as I function mostly quite well in my day to day despite some things maybe being a little harder for me than other people. My specialist explained that an ability to function does not measure someones level of autism. So now I guess im very autistic.

Its bittersweet. Its helpful to know and im being given resources and access to groups for coping and one that helps you stay in work - which is the important one for me as before my current job where my manager has been very patient and understanding, I have always had a lot of problems with employment. Im still not quite processing it fully, but Ive felt some hints inside myself that this does also make me feel a bit sad, but I probably wont be sure of that until later on one night when I cant get to sleep due to delayed processing.

Groups like this and others have been a big help throughout my diagnoses journey, and alongside reading about autism research and speaking with people in these groups, ive learnt a lot about myself and ways to manage my daily life and lessen the impact of everything.

I still feel like a bit of an imposter when seeking help, as I am very high functioning, and can pass as quite intelligent in most settings, and working at a job where I often encounter low functioning and even non verbal poung people, its hard to feel like I deserve to ask for help in the first place.

A thing only exists if I know it exists. I experience good days and bad days but I do the best I can to keep moving forward despite this flaw. I don't have any wisdom to share but I hope y'all have a nice day 😊

Hi ppl,

I am really new to the idea of being autism and since it becomes clearer to me to understand what this means to my life today and in the past, i am feeling a lot more stressed which leads to shutdown over shutdown.

Oft course I can name some triggers like public transport without ANC or some situations at work where I need to talk to customer I really dislike. Those were things I ever hated.

Thankfully I built up a collective working environment and being my own boss , which means that I can change at least everything in my working day pretty easy. BUT it is really hard for me to unterstand what is good for me and what is not good, cause this was nothing I ever learned in my life before. It was more often like "eat that frog, life is hard!". I now try to reduce stressful activity and find more time for me and try to guess my needings but struggling in figure out what is not good for me. I dont feel it in the Moment it happens but shutting down a few hours or days later.

How did you isolate triggers and how do you handle them, if they are not that easy to cancel or you dont want to lose sbd? What do you do in a shutdown situation when you cant escape easily?