Asklemmy

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Is it too late to date for me? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️

It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.

This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.

I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

There's quite a lot to unpack there. I don't think anyone likes the idea of a forced marriage, especially with someone you do not like. Your relationship with your parents is its own discussion, and sounds complicated. A simple answer would be a "beard", but that creates its own web of lies.

You've probably heard that love comes when you least expect it, which also doesn't easily fit into your plans. Desperately seeking a partner is probably the least effective way to find one. You need to be able to have a relaxed approach, and let the chips fall where they may.

As difficult as it is, I recommend trying to forget about meeting a potential wife, and instead try to meet people in general. Attend whatever group events are happening for whatever you're interested in. Make (platonic) friends with people there. If the existing events don't lead to friendships, branch into new ones. Ever wanted to cook? Take a cooking class. Does bowling sound like fun? Join a league.

Eventually, one of these will lead to someone that's interested. It may not be someone in the group, either. It could be a friend of a friend, or someone that you meet randomly. They see you having fun, and conversation can start from there.

Also, learn how to carry a conversation. This is critical to opening the doors to a date, or date #2. There are a variety of books, videos, seminars, etc that can help