this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2023
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I will both lie and avoid to head off conflict. I would rather lie my face off than make my SO get angry at me; he tends to get angry about really petty shit so this is just me surviving how I can. I also keep him from some things about myself (really innocent things like that I go to church) simply because he'd become angry and try to stop it. Sometimes I feel like five different people, that there are parts of me for every different section of my life, the work me, the married me, the daughter me, the online me, and because I have to tiptoe around him a lot I feel kind of fragmented. . My therapist says this is common in trauma victims to feel like they have to be several different people. It's disjointed and unsatisfactory.
Oh there's smth toxic here, but I don't think it's the lying. And I think you know that. Also, do you enjoy the lying?? Doesn't sound like.
Not to make quick assumptions, but if your partner is influencing your life so negatively on such a regular basis, perhaps the relationship isn't a great idea.
The fragmented feeling I understand, I think most people have a different personality for different groups. Good luck with therapy tho, hope you're doing well.
I hate the lying. I don't lie in the rest of my life under other circumstances. I avoid it as much as possible, but if it'll save me from being yelled at I'll lie all I need to.
The relationship is absolutely not a great idea, but unfortunately for financial reasons I can't make any changes. I dream of the life I'll have when I'm free, and how I'll pursue what I want instead of just working two jobs to stay afloat, while he has routine in my face temper tantrums about stupid shit; tonight it was a piece of spoiled fruit
I'm so sorry. Please protect yourself in every way you can, let your family and friends know you need help. You've got atleast one stranger rooting for you here❤️. Good Luck.
Its a shame the positions financial stressors can put us in.
Thank you. The last several weeks have been pretty awful, I keep trying to reset things towards a good path but every week it's some petty crap. I'm really weary. I appreciate your kindness.