The solution: normalize women hitting on men
this post was submitted on 21 Mar 2024
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Ahh yes, more dear mongering!
The vast majority of the time, saying no is enough. Also carry pepper spray, I do and I'm a guy with extremely good self defense skills, but I'd rather spray than fight some goofs trying to rob me.
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(9 replies)
When I was still with my last partner, we were open: she was dating as was I.
She DID do the, "hey, you're nice but I'm just not feeling it" to a couple people she met and they were absolutely shitty about it. If it wasn't a comment about her being a "stuck up bitch" it was something else. A couple harassed her via text for days afterwords before she blocked them. This was probably half the people she met.
Nowadays if I meet a woman I totally get if they don't want to connect outside of an app before meeting and I don't think they're (necessarily) assholes if I get ghosted. People's behavior has made this sort of thing necessary so I try not to take it personally.
So yeah, all you saying this doesn't happen... hate to be this guy, but it totally happens. Listen to women every once in a while
Yep. I'm a guy and I've seen the absolutely shitty and vile responses female friends have gotten on dating apps for polite rejections. I used to get annoyed when I would send someone an introduction message and get nothing back but now I 100% understand why. Because even a polite rejection could lead to a terrible interaction and this stranger doesn't owe me shit.
Shit is scary out there. Had a situation recently that definitely reinforced how spooky it is being a woman in public.
So I'm chilling with the crew at a bar, came out to catch a homie mixing originals. One of our friends is a cutie. She's with 3 of us fellas. We're in a booth, very obviously a group that came here together. One of the regulars kicks it with us for a bit, harmless banter, classic bar chat shit.
He ends up chilling for a while. We're cracking jokes & having fun, he says his dude owns the bar, etc. He gets a bit flirty (again, felt fully harmless at the time), goes to fetch us a round of brew. She only wanted a water by this stage in the night. When she finally gets around to taking a small sip all her internal alarm bells go off, thinks sum'm tastes off.
We manage to pick up the vibe and dip before anything extra sketch went down and had a lil debrief, made sure everyone was ok etc... One of my dudes had also taken a decent gulp first and seemingly got pretty woozy off it. Now, I can't for sure confirm whether it was truly laced or just shitty dirty bar hose water and a mild panic attack. Can't say whether homie was chemically woozy or placebo woozy (very well could've been tired from long day and lots of brew + dancing), but either way, enough to be a scary situation! We're like 95% sure shit was sketchy.
Absolutely worth trusting the gut when you get an off feeling. Better safe than sorry, all that. As a dude, I've NEVER needed to think twice about a gift beverage at a bar. I circle lots of music scenes and almost every single time I'm out I'll catch a random free drink, smoke, lol candy or whatever off a stranger randomly offering. I've definitely asked to confirm what these gifts are, but generally felt safe enough to take their answers at face value.
Ladies DEFINITELY can't be as cavalier about gifts from strangers though... That's how they end up the subject of these crime podcasts.
Idk, felt like a relevant story to share.
Stay safe, stay frosty, y'all ❤️ Good weekends all around!
This is a colorful perspective.
Growing up as a man, I was told that I should be 'alpha', I should be a predator and girls like only such guys. I tried to question this, but I was surrounded by all this. Hell, even when I reached my mom on such a topic, she just stopped the conversation.
Your post made me recall several situations where I made young women uncomfortable. Hell, I used to be such a dumbass.
Yeah dude, all that pick up artist shit is pretty toxic and counter productive imho. Especially these incel influencers talking about "deserving" goddamn anything. Like, being a "good guy" for a minute doesn't mean you deserve a sex treat, you dirty dogs! 😒
Now, I've thankfully been committed in a ship for a while now so can't speak to modern dating scene (fuck it looks bleak for lads in them middle thirties), but I always leaned on my funny bones more than anything back when I was making moves. That and, now this is pretty obvious, just treating women like regular people -- cause they are! (Duh).
I never tried too hard to "have game." I've just been a perpetually evolving amalgamation of shit I find cool. If you're just naturally comfortable and confident in your skin, and visibly having the most fun in the room it's way more attractive than trying too hard. Desperation reeks. Least that's my take.
Of course the rules are a smidge different when you're 11/10 fine as helllll 🤣 I've seen the chat game on them Chads and it gets reckless lmao
Good on ya for the introspective reflection though, truly! Not necessarily a bad thing to cringe at past you; that means you're growing and improving.
I know it shouldn't need to be said, but as a woman, THANK YOU! Thank you so so much for being a safe haven with actual conscious awareness of the dangers women face. We need more men that will stand up to the stupid Alpha Bros and stop shit before we are in serious trouble!
One thing that might help you help the ladies in your life is coming up with a code phrase that lets her tell you she doesn't feel safe in a situation that requires discretion. Ex: "Janice texted me" (with a name yall never use). My fiance and I have a code phrase, and I've had to use it twice. It feels good knowing I have an out no matter what when things start feeling sketchy.
For the men being dramatic in the comments, think about this: if your reaction to women saying they have a reason to be afraid is to take your dating ball and go home, whine and complain about women being afraid of you because of your gender, blame women for listening to reports of crime, or otherwise do anything but listen and expand your empathy, you are a big part of the reason women have to be cautious. Thank you for proving their point.
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(25 replies)
There are plenty, if not most, good and decent men out there who are respectful and treat not only women well but everyone around them. but they dont end up in the news or even being mentioned. They dont get talked about or even remembered.
Sure some men are terrible but IMO and experience, i wouldn't blame it on their gender. Its more a personality thing
People forget that nobody makes true crime podcasts about a guy who took rejection like a normal person.
That doesn't make the crazy people not a problem, but obsessing on what you read online will give you a skewed view of what people in general are like.
Well I’d hope these good people that you know would not be personalizing and taking away from the point. One good person doesn’t undo another horrible person’s business. It is news because it’s about the victims in a situation. Let it be about them and not about some fragile guy feeling ‘personally attacked’ over what some other guy did. That’s feeding on someone else’s tragedy and making it about what it isn’t.
I am sorry if this sounds like I got offended or hurt by this. I personally am not involved in this at all. I've been in the same relationship for 15 years and not in 'the game'.
I'm just discussing it on neutral grounds and out of interest.
What we haven't even mentioned are the cultural differences between countries. Some places are more dangerous than others
Since you seem to be surprised people got offended or hurt, I will try to decode this interaction for you. Based on seeing essentially this discussion online over and over again.
I mean my take on this is the original post is essentially saying :
"Please be understanding of women turning you down in less than ideal ways (ie: Ghosting, etc.), they are afraid for their safety because they keep hearing stories of violence from men angry that women did not do what they wanted them to do. "
Then you essentially say :
"There are many good men too". It's also very easy to read into what you say "And we should be talking about how they don't get talked about or remembered" even if you didn't mean to say it that way
This is besides the point. It indicates that you either did not decode the original message right or lack empathy for the situation. I mean, it's very likely the first, but the second is why people can get angry at a reaction like this. If you want to start a discussion on a different topic, why does it need to be in this thread?
What we haven’t even mentioned
There are a LOT of things we haven't mentioned. I don't understand why you feel the need to change the topic a second time in a thread asking for empathy.
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As a man this sort of thing is terrible. Public outings shouldn't be overshadowed by fear of attacks of any kind.
That said this comic is extremely close to fear mongering and it definitely generalizes the male population.
Be smart people. But don't think your negative experiences rule the world.
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This seems more like an indictment of media than of patriarchy. Listening to too much True Crime will rot your brain
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