No Stupid Questions

What exactly are you trying to acheive by studying an instrument? Why did you choose to learn beyond hobby level?

Your approach sounds like you see it akin to training in a skill for a job. Spend the time and money on it and at the end you can play as well as 95% of people. But then you got bored/lost direction as you didn't go so far as to do this as a new career so there was no end goal. Looking at the kind of money you think you need to spend, that sounds like professional level stuff (hint, a 40k piano will not improve your ability! But must be nice to play!)

It is hard, and not for everyone, to practice so much. I really enjoy playing the piano, but can never find the time or energy or drive to spend the time to learn to even a half decent level. Lessons would help me, but I've never found myself in a place to go for it. Which I accept. I'll never play any Franz Liszt!

I don't get the impression music is enough of a passion for you to get a lot out of 'studying' as you said you dont want to work part time to do so. So my advice would be to keep practicing and push yourself to learn new music as much as you enjoy it and maybe have some lessons to keep you on track . Maybe studying will suit you later in life, but not at this time.

You also don't sound lazy btw! Like i said, it is hard work, especially alongside a job, but doesn't quite sound like it's rewarding enough for you.

It's not a rut to choose a reliable well paid union job over the slim chance of success in a niche art field. That's common sense. That's the dream, for many folks.

You're allowed to feel good about choosing stability and comfort over a high risk plan. You're also allowed to feel angry that circumstances aren't letting you follow your dreams more fully. Those are both reasonable feelings.

I feel both of those ways, most days. If things were a little different, I could be living a very different life. Whatever. I choose to meditate on thankfulness for where I am.

I wouldn't throw away a solid balanced union job life to pursue a career that isn't going to leave me much time for anything else in life. I explicitly chose not to.

And yeah, I've had to make peace with not doing some of the things I would have done in that life. I've also done a brunch of things I couldn't have done it I had pursued that life.

As Dave Ramsey says, "pull that boat closer to the dock before you step off, or you're going to get dunked in the water".

By which he means, you can pursue both, and let the better career win. Right now, playing the piano is losing. That's not a huge shock in the age of digital recordings and abusive record company monopolies.

You can get great at piano in your free time. I know many people who have done so.

I am someone does do their passion as a day job - it made my passion substantially less fun. And I'm still not doing my passion exactly the way my heart wants to, because I have no remaining energy for that after I finish my day job. At the end of the day, any job is still just a job.

Hang in there. If you feel like you're not playing piano enough, by all means, play more.

But please don't fall for the trap of believing your passion has to become your day job.

We all need some way to make a living, and we should all pursue our passions. And on the best days we do both on as close to our own terms as possible.

I hope you dont let guilt (or even me!) tell you how often to play your piano, or who for.

I'm sorry that you are having trouble enjoying a peaceful life away from strife insulated in a community.

That said music without electricity is a great way to spend a life.

And one great thing the punk rock ethos brought forth to class consciousness is that one shouldn't, imperatively, let being shit at an instrument slow you down from enjoying playing and performing.

These days that you have now will not last long.

And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.

If you have a passion for something and the means in which to pursue it, I would go for it.

Think about how you will feel in the future if you didn't pursue it and left yourself with questions of what could have been.

I've always taken life as it came, never had a goal like being a (professional?) pianist. I'm not entirely sure what that means in this day, either.

Even if you stick with regular work, make sure you keep a list of everything you could theoretically call yourself proficient at doing. These skills can often be rallied into promotions and career changes later on, if you need to move or advance.

I've sold a lot of pianos from my time in estate liquidation and I do know that the inconvenience of moving them means that used pianos are often sold for essentially nothing. There just isn't an active market for anything but the absolute best instruments. If you need an inexpensive piano, they're out there. The best strategy is to have a piano mover on your phone. If you show up to someone's house and tell them you can have it out on Tuesday, they're often going to be happy to see it go.