BellyPurpledGerbil

Guys... This is not a complicated discussion. I'm a trans woman. I've been the man. And now I've been the woman. I'm telling you without question I'm picking the fucking bear. Men are scary motherfuckers. A sizeable number of you are cruel, calculating, and downright uncaring. If you're debating women about why they'd pick a potentially dangerous animal to be alone with in the woods instead of you, you have entirely missed the point.

Go talk to every woman you know in your social circles and in your family, and ask them if they have been assaulted or sexually assaulted by men. The number of them that says yes to that question is going to be depressing. Some of them might even confide in you that they've been raped. My own sister didn't tell me until I asked her why she was so upset with my brother one time. She had recently been raped by a boyfriend and when men got angry around her she'd flip out. Those acts, when inflicted on you, poison your default view of your fellow man. If you can't imagine a man being more dangerous than a bear, then you've never had to.

A bear can't break my trust. A bear can't gaslight me into thinking all the shitty things he does are because he loves me. And if I told someone I got attacked by a bear, at least they'd believe me. They wouldn't need to bring out a bear assault kit to prove it. The bear is predictable. Men are not.

I get it. I have like, life ruining levels of insomnia, which is like 90% because I have extreme nightmares every time I fall asleep. They're so bad sometimes I wake up crying. Sometimes I don't fall asleep because I know what's waiting for me when I eventually lose consciousness. I'm so thankful when I have no dreams at all. I've talked to doctors and psychologists about it and they just shrug at me like, wow that sounds tough. Nobody has ever helped me with it. And really who would take it seriously? It's just nightmares right? What adult is afraid to go to sleep? To dream about loved ones dying in gruesome ways right before their eyes? Or getting murdered in horrible ways, tortured to death, trampled, eaten alive by insects, being responsible for killing my whole family in a car crash, falling to death and remembering what the impact felt like, having my eyeballs plucked from my head, my stomach torn open and my guts devoured while I'm still alive. I'm not even close to the end of the list of what I've experienced over half of my life. Yeah they're just nightmares. But I have to experience them. For the rest of my life.

The only fighting chance I've been given is to move to a state where weed is legal because it basically prevents me from dreaming at all.

Happened to me when I was 18. I had severe Sun Poisoning (extreme allergic reaction to moderate sunburn) and not only was I inconceivably itchy, the pain I experienced was indescribable. Waves of pain so bad THROUGH MY ENTIRE BODY I could only scream and cry. I was shaking and incoherent. My mom was with me the whole day, and was the one who brought me to the hospital. Of course, with my behavior as extreme as it was, the hospital staff let me suffer very loudly in the emergency waiting room because they thought I was a drug addict. My mom, who has worked as a nurse, spent about an hour chewing people out left and right about the situation. I eventually got treated but that was probably the most traumatic experience I've gone through my whole life

SNES purchased by my parents in 1992.

An old blade server I was able to take from my very first job, state of the art for the time it was made around 2002. It's still running and I've been using it as a media and hosting server for years despite how out of date the specs are now.

My mother told me that she hated me. After a really dumb argument we had, as adults. I still talk to her and play nice in front of our siblings but I haven't forgiven her and I don't think I ever will. I lost a lot of love for my mother in a single day and then nothing anyone has said to me since has ever matched or beaten that feeling. How do you trump your own mother hating you? She moved on like she never said it. No apologies. Never mentioned it. You can call me every name and slur and hang me for all my fuckups and oddities, but you can't hurt me. I'm already at 0 HP emotionally

Seeing my friends.

Cool rocks.

New video games coming out soon (Tekken 8!)

Finding new pretty things to wear.

Baking treats.

Having a whole day to myself with no interruptions to do what I like.

Chad, Chet, Chaz, the unbroly Trinity

It's crazy though because I see people mark videos that released like 30 minutes ago. I need to start doing my part

Complaining about AI in all the wrong ways to complain about AI. AI is definitely a poor substitute for actually well thought out feature implementations. But it has nothing to do with why your iPhone sucks to navigate on.

I don't know what he expected when he accepted to host the show on Apple tv.

Only one I can give you is bisexual girlfriend. Take it or leave it

Disco Elysium is so fucking wild. It's the most empathetic game I've ever played. I am someone who has an easy time putting myself in other people's shoes. The character is an alcoholic mess, on the brink of a depression so deep he has totally fractured his own memory and sense of self. He's a genius. He's also an idiot. And he's a cop/detective in a world that really despises cops. It's what I would call the idealistic cop: the one that would put themself between a group of armed men and a group of innocent people with nothing but a dinky pistol and say stand down.

Anyway, I love how it makes me feel about everything in its place. The ideologies that drive us. The youth we waste on fooling around. The insanity and, somehow, the humor of racism. The mistakes that make us who we are. The idealistic pursuits that are so high they can never be achieved. How heartbreak never goes away.

Most importantly, I played a game with an internal monologue built-in as the RPG system, and it nearly exactly matches how I think and feel. My mind is also fractured as identifiable pieces of myself. I gave some parts of them names because it made it easier to separate the thoughts from how I truly felt. I have nearly all the same psyches just with different names from Volition, Half-light, etc. And it floored me. I have never played a game that was as introspective as I was. Right down to the simultaneously protective and self destructive thoughts clashing within and one winning out. It gave me a third person perspective of my own self destructive and unhealthy thought processes. And it helped me love myself a little bit more. I feel like I'll never be able to play anything like it again for the rest of my life.