this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2024
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I'll never forget the time I ran into an old friend of mine and I went to give him a hug and he awkwardly laughed and said uh, no, and shook my hand.
We're still very good friends and we send several texts to each other every week.
But it's a terrible feeling when you instinctively go to hug someone with zero sexual feelings and get instantly and reflexively rejected. I don't blame my friend. I blame our fucked up culture.
'Murica: where we love our guns more than we love our school children. Is it any wonder men can't hug here.
My goddamn dad does this to me. Like I made a conscious decision years ago to give him hugs because I felt like it was bullshit to not show him affection. After a few years he started intercepting me and now forces the handshake.
He also became radically conservative in that time...
I don't know your friend, but I just don't like people touching me in general. I've had people get upset that I won't hug them, but my boundaries are valid and should be respected. Not everyone wants to hug.
I understand where you're coming from, and your boundaries should be respected. Which is why I did not make an issue out of it. Like I said, we're still very good friends. And when he waved me off I just laughed awkwardly back and went with it.
And...I know him really well. It isn't that he doesn't like being touched. He, like a lot of men in America, is super phobic about anything within 500 miles of "gay".
That phobia shit is ridiculous. My first roommate was an openly gay guy (I'm straight), and the number of questions I got about my living situation or discomfort some clowns had about coming over was absurd. I thought folks had gotten somewhat better about it by now, but I guess not. Sad to hear.