this post was submitted on 26 Feb 2024
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Lord of the memes

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The Lord of the rings memes communitiy on Lemmy. Share memes about Lord of the rings and be respectful.

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 6 months ago (4 children)

I used to be a huge advocate for “boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I shit on company time”, but now that I have a bidet at home, I would just as soon die that shit at the office. I’ll hold it until I get to a place where I can clean my asshole properly after

[–] [email protected] 41 points 6 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Home is where ~~the heart is~~ ~~you poop most comfortably~~ you go when the Pub shuts.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

home is where you poop most comportably

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Two words. Portable bidet. I have one everywhere i poop often and one to take with me for longer trips. They're good and cheap so why not.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 months ago (1 children)

So you take an apparatus with you every time you use the bathroom away from home? I'm not judging, I'm just genuinely curious about how that works

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

They are small. It's like taking a phone around with you. For me they are not sufficient as a TP substitute but as an adjunct. I am partial to the Toto motorized one.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (1 children)

What about splashback? Do they need to be cleaned? How does one transport them? I love bidets, but I'd feel icky tossing a portable one in a backpack along with my lunch...

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Keeps in a bag. Propels stream at an angle and waste water falls vertically down, so it's not getting directly bathed in waste. It folds up and tip is concealed. I just wipe down tip with some TP.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Sounds intriguing! I might look into getting one.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It goes on the rim and hangs inside the toilet bowl, right? That thing is festering with shit particles if so.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

No. Look up portable bidets. Many options but I don't think any are like that

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I've never in my life been a baby wipe user... Untill I got a bidet at home. Now I stock work with them just so I can clock those work hours.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

They are really bad for pipes, and I don’t give a fuck about my employers pocket book, but I don’t want the poor custodial staff of the building to have to unclog pipes because of my asshole.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

Use baby wipes. They work pretty good.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago (6 children)

Ok, so I get the meme/reference - but I can't relate at all and need to ask. Is this a real thing?

I started drinking coffee only 5-6 years ago, have 2-3 cups in the morning. Sometimes nothing else, sometimes a little food. I have NEVER had to "run to the bathroom" due to coffee. Except to pee all the water out.

Am I broken?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 6 months ago

I drink one cup of coffee in the morning. Once that cup is done I will definitely need access to a bathroom within the next hour or so. I've never had to "run" to the bathroom, but it does become quite... persistent after that

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Caffeine is a stimulant and it creates bowel contractions. If it doesn't make you have to poop, it's probably due to your BM schedule. You might be one of those people who poop in the afternoon or something.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago

I used to be an evening shitter until i developed a morning caffeine habit

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

It's a laxative for most people but apparently not all.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I assume you’re younger. It didn’t happen for me until after 40.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I am 42M. Started drinking at 35. (Coffee)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

Well im that case you’re either lucky or unlucky depending whether inducing poop in the morning is good or bad.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

if I ever drink coffee or anything with caffeine and I'm not really active after drinking it - I'll need the bathroom within an hour or so. If I'm active I've noticed this doesn't happen, though I don't drink caffeine often so it could be a coincidence.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

I don't like coffee so I usually drink about one or two cups a day (when I am at work and don't wfh because the coffee is free) and I never had any problems with it.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 months ago (1 children)

He wasn't very powerful. All he did was make his staff flash and set off some fireworks.

He says he killed a balrog, but can we be certain?

Gandalf is a conjurer and nothing more.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 months ago

His love of the halflings' leaf has made his memory unreliable too.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

"The great storm is coming, but the tide has turned."

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks

Surrender, but don't give yourself away.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago

The world has changed... I smell it in the air.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

Black coffee and figs for breakfast.