The twist is that the narration is from the tigers perspective.

It all started with a bag of meth and this woman named Carol Baskin…

that cat looks really happy

FATALITY

There will never be a pspspspsps I'll regret, ever.

"My only two options were A. Quickly roll out of the way and retaliate with a swift counter-attack or B. Take an iron claw to the face, roll over into a ditch and die."

Takes iron claw to the face, rolls over into a ditch and dies

"I should have gone with option A."

Aaaargh, my skeleton!

It all started on board the cruise ship TS Bremen where I, Uwe Ludwig Horn was a waiter and assisted my friend Siegfried with his magic show.