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I took a lower-paying job that I was more competent to do.
Due to lower stress levels, somehow I spend less money and my finances are way better. For the record we’re talking about making $110k then vs making $45k now.
My finances are in better shape. I have cognitive surplus at the end of the day, and I think maybe that’s translating to less escape-seeking.
Also, this year I made a new year’s resolution: I am going to have $5k in the bank, come hell or high water. I’ve lived my whole life without a buffer and life without a buffer sucks so hard.
Just having that goal — $5k in the bank — has changed my whole relationship to money. I haven’t even hit the $5k. I’m at $3k and even that feels amazing. It doesn’t matter if my paycheck is late. I can just pay my rent. Moving into a new apartment and the agent was like “are you prepared to pay a deposit and first month today?” and I was like “yup”.
In the past I’d always answer like “Well my next paycheck is on such and such date and can I maybe pay you half then, then the other half two weeks after that?” I was always relying on the flexibility and mercy of financial gatekeepers.
I’m amazed how such a small amount of money (compared to the total flow) being held onto has changed my perception of myself. I feel like a “legit” person now. I feel like a stakeholder in society. I feel like an adult, instead of a boy in a man’s body. I don’t even know when my paydays are any more.
And my income didn’t really increase between the time I had no buffer and the time I did. I just made the resolution, and then started putting money away.
I think your experience that your finances are better on $45k than $110k is quite mysterious and could do with some further elucidation
Like I said I have cognitive surplus. I don’t have to mainline takeout, drugs, and impulse purchases to feel safe.
Drugs like prescription and over the counter stuff to deal with burnout, or drugs like street variety, risk your life to forget your troubles drugs?
Yeah, these three categories explain the difference to me. Good for you, getting your life in order and starting to budget/manage money!
For me, mostly pot, but also prescription drugs to get to sleep, to try and focus, etc. I did adderall for a while, ritalin, modafinil, microdosed with LSD, I did neurofeedback training.
And I ate out like crazy.
I mean, I might be able to handle a dev job now. I had some health issues going on before that job, and my housing situation was unstable, so I never really had a moment when I was just waking up, going to work, coming home, and being alone.
Now Im doing a job that’s so relatively easy (and hourly meaning I can just turn it off when I come home) that even living with a roommate and rarely getting that alone time, Im okay.
I forgot I also would get a hotel room or airbnb occasionally just to have alone time, I did bodywork and float sessions. I spent a lot of money managing my brittle brain.
Actually my intention is to go back to something like that. But the goal was to first learn to manage money, before I got the big salary again. Because I learned that I can earn six figures and still be paycheck to paycheck, so it’s pointless for me to take on all that stress if at the end of two years I’m still gonna be broke due to bad financial habits.
However, more fundamental than financial habits was self care habits. When moment to moment consciousness is comfortable, you don’t need much to be happy.
So for that, the men’s group is a really big factor. AND doing a job so far within my sphere of competence that I have no question of being able to perform.
What a crazy life. I don't think you have a fragile mind, I think you had a series of impossible goals and incredible pressure to achieve them all. Together with some questionable to bad coping mechanisms, you were on a dark path. I'm so glad you're on a better path, with goals for the future and a better grasp of what is important in life.