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When I was a teen I worked as a waiter at a dirty smokehouse/bbq place.
One of the kitchen staff there would make sexual comments about me. Say things like "You're lucky you look good because you're so stupid." And would ask what kind of underwear I was wearing.
I told my parents about it, and the advice they gave me was "Deal with it. You need a job."
Within a month that kitchen staff member had started to grab me and sexually assaulted me.
I don't talk to my parents anymore.
Me: having a hard time mentally and emotionally Someone: "You need to pray to God to make your troubles go away."
"Nothing happens in god's world by mistake." "God never gives you more than you can handle." Etc etc.
When 1 in 6 women has been sexually assaulted in their lives (and many men and NB folks), that's a really fucked up thing to say. You never know what someone's been through, and I've personally been through a lot of awful things. I guess it helps some people to tell themselves this kind of shit, but it is impossible to me to think of any kind of meaning that would make being a victim of violent crime "positive" or "worth it" or "a learning experience" blah blah blah. I think the term for that is "toxic positivity."
So either "everything happens for a reason" is utter bullshit, or god is a sadistic fucking asshole.
I'm a Christian but I support the school of thought that says "shit happens".
Another problem with the thinking "everything happens for a reason" is that it can lead to belief in "the just world". When one thinks that life is fair you start to believe that bad things only happens to bad people, ie they deserve it.
Me: *Suffers from severe depression and anxiety as a teen*
My family: You're just gonna have to deal with it!
They've since gotten my brother treatment for the exact same thing. Meanwhile, I'm still severely depressed and totally untreated because I can't fucking afford it.
I had a stroke and the neurologist told me that being exhausted and sleeping 16 hours a day is my new normal.
I'm getting a second opinion soon.
Wow, your family is being really shitty. You deserve better.
Don't ever quit.
Screw that. Quitting is healthy, quitting is good. Nothing worse than digging yourself deeper and deeper based on sunk cost fallacy.
"Don't be a quitter" is like saying "Fuck your boundaries. Stay in toxic situations no matter how bad they get."
"There are people worse off than you"
Thanks, that totally solves my problem.
I always tell them "Following that logic, there's only one person in the world that can complain. But that dude really got it bad."
My counter is always, "and there are people better off than you, so stop being happy."
When I would have a problem with my body like shoulder impingement and ask for advice, I would often be told by people "nah, you're too young too have that"
My wife (in her 30s) got shingles and doctors / people at the pharmacy said the same thing. "only people over 50 get that!"
She was in a lot of pain. 0/10 would not recommend getting shingles.
My dad threw a party to celebrate when I graduated university with a degree in Computer Science.
At the party, my dad's friend took me aside and said "My nephew just got a degree in electrical engineering. Now that's an up and coming field, you should get a degree in that."
Like, alright buddy. Hopefully that career pays well enough for another four years of student debt. I'm still kinda in shock at how dumb of a thing to say that was.
Ah yes the brand new exciting world of electricity. Rumor on the street is they've got this fancy new device called a tellyfone that uses this electricity. You can talk to anyone in the world!
I went to my doctor for an infection (i had a swelling in my throat)
My doctor told me to drink water...
I said.. "ok, thanks" and left.
Got a 2nd opinion.
This new doctor actually took a blood sample and gave me antibiotics. I was much better just a few hours later.
Student loans are an investment in your future.
I'd have been better off becoming an electrician.
"Just be yourself"
That's how I got myself into this mess in the first place idiot
"Do something that you love and you'll never work a day in your life."
Bullshit. I worked in the video game industry in a field I'm very passionate about with great people who were all talented. But the industry burned me out and almost killed my passion for games as a hobby with the endless unpaid overtime, constant crunch and deadlines, fairly low wage and all that investment was rewarded by eventually being let go along with all the less senior staff because our studio was bought out and the parent company told to cut expenses.
Don't work for the video game industry, people. Make indie games by all means. But stay clear of the big names.
Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life.
"Nothing is fun 8 hours a day" isn't an advice but at least it's true
"Just be happy" to a depressed person
Oh wow, jeez, thanks, why didn't I think of that earlier!
"Why are you making mistakes? Just don't make them!" - my German teacher
Like... yeah, thanks, that's very helpful! Why didn't I think of that?!
I was a new dog owner, went to /r/Dogs to ask about a particular behavior my dog was exhibiting I'd never seen or read about before (turned out to be normal tho) and every reply I got basically told me I don't know how to care for an animal and that I should give him to someone else.
It was then I realized that it wasn't just /r/RelationshipAdvice that was full of bitter, jealous losers whose advice is always "dump them." It applied to literally every single subreddit dedicated to advice. They may have started with good intentions and knowledgeable people, but over time filled up with people who had no business giving anyone advice.
Oh yeah even lifeprotips, if you go in the comments it's just full of people grasping at straws to find the tip useless and upvoting each other's cynicism
There was one: "If you want a fridge's compressor to turn on and off less frequently (ie: if you sleep in the same room), fill it with water bottles to increase thermal mass" and the top comments were "Actual life pro tio: get an apartment with 2 rooms???"
I was like: are these people actually that slow?
The less there is to say about an advice, the less reasons you have to go write a comment. Therefore the people in the comments are often outliers
The usual acne related ones, like washing my face more or using tooth paste on my spots. Turns out clearasil won't fix your hormones.
Use olive oil instead of sun screen because it works better than SPF and isn't full of chemicals.
When taking a taxi on a short stop over in Dubai, the taxi driver told me not to have blue hair (which I had) or no man will ever want me, while my then boyfriend was also sitting in the taxi, masquerading as my husband (we were wearing rings and just letting people assume we were married, which everyone did. Including the taxi driver!)
Work related: don't make my code too "complicated" or my one coworker can't understand it (read: my coworker doesn't know what async means, and instead of him learning, I'm just not ever meant to do anything async... When processing huge amounts of data... Also, error handling is too hard, don't do that either) yes, I will forever be salty about this. He deleted weeks worth of work while I had covid because he didn't even try to understand it - his reasoning being "it doesn't work anyway, so there's no point in understanding or learning what I'm doing"
Where do you work that allows someone to just delete someone else's work all willy-nilly? If someone did that to my code I'd be PISSED.
Someone did that to my whole project. I had catefully migrated all the source control to a new and improved system. Out boss decided which project went into which organization.
Some idiot went and intentionally deleted a project I was meant to do maintenance because he had decided all by himself that it wasn't meant to be there.
I had to do a long train ride to the idiot's office for a training and when he told me what he did (proudly!) I gave him the sort of verbal bollocking I have never done before or since.
To the point where he contacted our boss to complain. I got a call from my boss to excuse himself on behalf of the idiot.
On dating and relationships: "Just be confident."
It's not wrong, but spectacularly unhelpful. I mean, a brain surgeon has to be confident to go cutting into somebody's head, but clearly that's not enough, right? Confidence as a romantically-attractive quality is a very particular (and peculiar) performance. Going to a party 110% certain of one's own value, sitting in a corner with a confident set of one's jaw, and silently waiting for the ladies to form a queue is...
...sufficient, apparently, because you just to be confident.
When I used to make notes because I don't retain information instantly my boss said "Just don't forget" I exclaimed: "Thanks, I'm cured!" The office got a laugh but it still bothers me that he thought it was a choice
For me it's the opposite, at school I was forced to take notes. Teacher would give me bad grades if they saw me not talking notes. But notes are completely useless for me, and if I take notes I don't understand the lecture. So I started the habit to sketch on notebooks pretending to take notes. Schools can be pretty stupid
"sleep when the baby sleeps"
Yeah because there's absolutely nothing that needs to be done once I finally get my daughter down. No washing and sterilising, for prep for us or for her, general chores around the house which you can never do effectively one handed. And fuck me if I wanted to try and relax and have an actual evening after they're down too.
"Sleeping like a baby" had also never seemed like such a juxtaposition!
When I wanted to cut back on my drinking: "Just don't buy it."
Look, it's great that you've never been addicted to anything, but it also means that you're in no position to be offering addiction advice.
"Just be yourself and you'll make lots of friends at your new school."
Four years of constant bullying and loneliness later: I have one acquaintance that would eventually become my friend after a few more years. I also have basically no self-confidence, and my social development is set back half a decade as I'm still looking for friends to have sleepovers with when everyone else has moved on to normal teenager stuff.
"Think harder." You are already thinking, trying to come up with an answer and aren't able to. What does "think harder" even mean?
You gotta do it like in the movies. Squeeze your eyes shut and poke your forehead with both hands. It unlocks the secret "big brain" mode.
βEverything happens for a reasonβ
βGod doesnβt give you more than you can handleβ
βJust have one or two and then stopβ when telling a friend Iβm an alcoholic. Well shit, thanks! That never even crossed my mind!
Someone told me that if I wanted to be a history teacher I should get a degree in special Ed to "make myself more marketable." It took 14 years to get out of special education and land a job teaching history
And not me directly, but some years ago when my friend and I were both desperately seeking work, and running up against the "you need experience to get a job to gain experience" conundrum. His mentor told him to stop being so precious, and get a boring corporate job with a pension, maybe one that would pay his law school tuition. It wasn't a thing yet, but wow, it would have been the perfect time to reply, "OK, Boomer."
"The boy next door is punching your arm because he likes you."
Thanks, mom... Taught me to confuse abuse with love.
Money doesn't buy happiness
Like fuck it doesn't. This is class war propaganda and shouldn't be confused with the idea arseholes are better at making money.
"You just need to focus and you can do it."
Ah yes, my ADHD ass will just magically find this focus thing you speak of instead of the long and brutal process of finding the right combination of meds and therapy. Problem solved. /s