Wait, the paramedics have to let you tell them about what you did?!
Well, I know somebody who is going to suffer a self-pleasure related injury this weekend and go into excruciating detail with the paramedics...
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this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2023
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They'll just keep giving you shots of Ambien until you stop.
This is shaping up to be an awesome weekend!
Masturbating Ambien Zombies.
Now that is something you don't see every day.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
They would more likely give you ketamine, the date rape drug. Wank is over immediately and you won't remember anything.
Having not done anything more serious than alcohol and weed, ketamine is a date rape drug? I thought it was just another kind of high...
googles
Hmm, yeah, I can see it used for that.
You wouldn't be the first. Just don't start masturbating when you're in the back and we're kosher
That's fair.
Can I at least finish masturbating in the back on the way to the hospital if I already started when you got here, though?
As long as you follow rules 1 and 2 I think we can make an exception
You're not going to believe this, but I was getting out of shower, slipped, and fell, and all of that stuff went right up my ass. I swear it was just a freak accident. Could have happened to anyone.
There's probably at least one person who genuinely slipped and fell and got something stuck in their butt, and I feel very sorry for them. It sucks when you're telling the truth but everybody thinks you're lying.
"I fell on it"
"I fell on it"
"I fell on it"
"I was bored"
Lucky for me my kink is explaining awkward situations to professionals obligated to help you out >:D
That's actually a pretty good rule to live by
There goes my Tuesday nights.
So what you're saying is to be shameless
I'm sure no one has ever lied to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Im sure that all the people that accidentally slipped and fell ass first on a cucumber that just so happens to have a condom on it werent lying at all
Guelph is all I gotta say. Really just the perv-man’s Kitchener-Waterloo
I don't know if that is a great descriptor for Guelph. Guelph is an answer to the question "what if you took all of the bad parts of Cambridge & Waterloo and make a city with that." Just gross.
I wouldn't want to explain my dissertation to paramedics, so it's a good thing I never got that PhD.
Too late
What's the title mean?
In Chuck Palahniuk's Choke he explains why every ER has a diamond drill bit.
... Why...?