Ask Lemmy

Long time ago I heard/read somewhere that true happiness/happy life/being in general happy at all times is not possible and people who are not in a great place get frustrated by never achieving this and seeing that it feels like everyone else has something they don't.

What true happiness often seems to be (for most happy people) is actually being content

Happiness comes from being content with your life, not constant feeling of joy. When you are content with your life and situation, you'll enjoy your life more. You'll be "happy" with your life. And if you are content with your life you suddenly enjoy small things that add up to it.

I'm probably not explaining this very well, but hope you get something out of this comment!

I am not a great believer in long term happiness. I studied under a wise Zen master for two years that said the following:

Happiness and sadness are fleeting emotions. We are only expected to experience them for snapshots in time. A sense of peace and acceptance can, however, be achievable.

As buddhists say; you can't become happy you can only be happy

I think it can be achieved but it may not be what most people think. I believie happines is not a goal you reach but rather a state that is realized. It's when you're satisfied with what you have and stop putting conditions on you happiness. Life is unsatisfactory - that's what most are dealing with rather than unhappiness.

INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER

I might be a man of simple pleasures but I have been in this state for a couple years now. I don't think you should see it as your highest happiness point ever, but rather everything in a life viewed together. There are days that my happiness dips or peaks, but all in all life is just so good. I earn a low yearly wage and work my dream job part time (social worker), I live in a modest appartment with running hot and cold water, a fridge and a washing machine, so the basics are covered. I lost close relatives 2 years in a row, but life was terrifying and unfair before and it still is, so other then missing them these losses don't really affect me. We can all die right now in an instant, no fair trial just poof and you're gone. Realizing and accepting this has taken away almost all of the fears you can associate with that. My pursuit is now maintaining true happiness, so in that way it is ongoing for me.

It's called lifestyle creep. It's never that you're in a better place today than you were yesterday, it's always that you could be in a better place tomorrow.

And it's both right and wrong. We make ourselves miserable by always wanting more, but also a lot of us have less than we deserve.

The pursuit is the happiness. To be happy you need a goal that you can get closer to. Once you reach the goal, the happiness ends and you need a new goal.

This is why you should have big goals. Goals that are attainable, but take a long time to reach.

Happiness is not a fish that you can catch.

True happiness happens when you're not looking for it. It comes in all shapes and sizes. The other day I went for a walk and it was a Vanilla Sky, Monet reference from the movie. My heart swelled, I felt pure joy/happiness. Out of nowhere, it was so intense. I hope it will happen again but I do know (in my life) its not achievable if you seek it out.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seine_at_Argenteuil

I think happiness can only exist in conjunction with unhappiness as a comparative value: If you don't know sadness, you probably won't even recognize if and when you are happy. So I think absolute happiness is not desirable.

The people who study this tend to talk about it as if it were an aspect of health. It requires daily maintenance. It isn't like if you get x, y, and z then you will be happy and happy until death.

I think true happiness is, almost contradictorily, found in the process of achieving it. Humans always strive for more by their nature. Once you achieve your goal, you'll eventually feel stagnant and set something higher. Perhaps the task itself is what we truly enjoy. Whether you think that's bad or not is up to you. On the extremes, some are driven to be more and more charitable, while others strive to be richer. Most people will set smaller goals and just want to get a more comfortable job or have better relationships with the people in their lives.

I'm convinced happiness is genetic.

Some people are some people aren't.

I've lived my life in pretty much the exact way I have wanted and done more than most. If I could erase myself from existence I would instantly.

I think the people that are most ambitious and adventurous are the least happy. If you are happy then you are content and don't go searching for stuff. So the most successful people tend to be the most unhappy. Thought some people do love the competition they can be happy.

I think true happiness is just a momentary lapse of reason.

Absolutely. You could have it right now if your expectations were in line with your status quo.

Happiness is an emotion not a state. You fee it when you are doing something that makes you feel that way.

My work is challenging and can be stressful. I wouldn't say I was happy while trying to solve a tricky problem but I enjoy that aspect regardless.

Do things that make you happy. But you can't expect to be happy all the time.

It's possible depending on the person. I probably won't get there, but I know what it's like because I was there before.

We aren't built to be satisfied. Our survival in a prehistorical context depended on our constant vigilance in the face of the ever-present risk of death from myriad dangers. That has required of us to evolve into fearful, violent creatures. Nothing forces us to act that way in a safer, less existentially precarious context, but there's a lot of hard-wiring for us to fight against. I think so long as you're willing to face that skittish, aggressive, hoarding nature and try to calm it down and perpetually remind it that it's going to be ok, you're on your way to some pretty solid contentment.

Of course that first requires that you've somehow magicked your way to a reliably full belly and roof over your head, which... well good luck

Mu