this post was submitted on 10 Aug 2024
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geteilt von: https://lemmy.world/post/18499026

https://www.mystateline.com/news/national/almost-half-of-young-men-have-never-approached-a-woman-romantically-study/

“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.

A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.

The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”

It's interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.

From what I understand it's the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don't think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.

Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don't want to risk misinterpreting it.

Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?

p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I’ll be honest, I really want to meet a nice woman at some point.

This Lemmy discussion is valid.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

How is the act of romantically approaching men out by women coming along statistically?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I can't speak to how common this is, or if overall rates have declined, but I still do it. There are a lot of people in the comments who are worried about coming off as a creep, and I'm sure a lot of guys do come off that way, but I don't think it's that hard to hit on someone in a non-creepy way. I asked a woman out last week like so-

Me: "Hey, sorry if this is abrupt but would you like to have lunch or a coffee sometime?"
Her: "Yeah! That sounds like fun"
Me: "Cool, let me give you my number..."
Me (after chatting a bit): "Sorry for hitting on you out of the blue."
Her: "It's totally fine!"

Things to note:

  1. I gave her my number instead of asking for hers so that she could turn me away by just not texting me.
  2. I was relaxed and willing to joke about my abrupt approach.
  3. I'm not exceedingly handsome, but not particularly ugly either.
  4. I'm ready to exit the conversation politely and humorously if she turns me down.
  5. We had talked briefly a few times prior to my approaching her.
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (3 children)

We had talked briefly a few times prior to my approaching her.

So it wasn't completely out of the blue. I feel like this part is pretty critical. You had established yourself in a positive way before making the ask. If your first-ever interaction with her had been asking her out on a date, I doubt it would have gone as well.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Agreed. The difference between reading 95% and 100% of that comment is massive.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Fair. She works in a place that I've been a few times and I have said hello once or twice.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)

How to be a millionaire.

  • work hard attitude
  • get up at 5am
  • get a million dollars from parents.

how to talk to women.

  • be light hearted
  • don't put her on the spot
  • have talked to her previously.
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Tl;dr women are humans, talk to them as humans, and maybe they'll be up for making another human with you.

This comparison is ridiculous as they are completely different. This isn't about talking to other humans, it's about trying to establish a romantic relationship. It isn't a tautology that to date someone you had to speak to them.

Having spoken to someone a little bit before asking them out for a date is very standard behaviour in every environment outside of locations where people are there specifically to find a romantic relationship (be that just sex, or more), like a bar, tinder, speed dating, etc.

It's like, don't just approach a woman in the office that you've never spoken to, and ask her out. It's very unlikely (but granted, not impossible) that she wants to go from total strangers, to starting a relationship with romantic intentions, with someone she also has never spoken to.

But, if you're making a coffee and she's there too, be friendly and talk to her. Ask socially normal and typical questions like if she had a good weekend, and if so what did she get up to. If she's receptive, keep talking to her. Once this has happened a few times, and she's engaging with you - rather than just being polite and trying to get away ASAP - then ask her out. This doesn't have to take a long time, it could be as quick as a couple of days, if you're getting good responses from her.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

I would say I’ve never approached a woman romantically not quite out of fear of being viewed as a creep, but out of fear of creeping her out. I’m paranoid about putting people in uncomfortable situations, because I hate when it’s done to me

[–] [email protected] -5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

#metoo won, and I hope the species dies for it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think this trend predates that by a longshot

[–] [email protected] -5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

You've got a generation of young men who look at a woman, and they think "If I approach her, she WILL react badly, I just don't know HOW badly. There's a strong chance she'll assassinate my character online. Pussy just doesn't sound fun enough to try this."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

The metoo thing is about coming forward about rape. Conversely, what you're describing is cyberbullying. I realise the former can be used as the latter by assholes, but publically lambasting someone's reputation is not a new thing.

If you think getting dragged on school twitter is bad, try having a dirty rumour started about you in a small town.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

That's a fuckton of assumptions. Terrible assumptions, I might add.